All I know is that the numbness creeps up on you and takes you by surprise. You feel nothing and care about nothing. You have no recognizable soul or capacity for empathy with anyone else. You become a blind and brutal force that has no direction or destination. There is no internal apocalyptic struggle within your soul. The forces of good and evil no longer struggle within you, only evil exists inside your soul. The most important and difficult struggle has taken place inside of you and it is over, it is finished. You have hoisted up the white flag and surrendered. You were the Titanic struggling with the iceberg. This numbness becomes a proxy for freedom. The truth is that you are burying your head in the sand hoping to forget. You have become the fodderfor nothingness. The deep dark abyss swallows you whole, engulfed.